Salespeople are people too, and if there is one incontrovertible universal finding this blog has arrived at, it is that all people–young, old, woman, man,  black, white, off-white, cat, dog, kitten, puppy, vigorously fit lad, foregone vegetable, convicted felon, guiltless churchgoer, paid intern, unpaid intern, oil man, solar hipster, to name a few–need the correct forms and documents to make their lives run seamlessly. That’s why it’s called SeamlessDocs!–crazy revelation, right!?

Anyway, the Sales Guy/Guyess Collection is one of the more illustrious in the library, consisting of client inquiry and client intake forms, as well as soon to be added sales contracts of all manner and kind. With these forms you can digify the sales cycle like a boss:

• Send forms to clients to fill out on their mobile device or desktop, and have their responses stored and organized neatly in your account
• Embed a client intake form on your website
• Customize our templates to your specific salesy needs
• Become a technological popular kid
• Cease to sign anything by hand again ever for all of time
• Assign clients to coworkers or subordinates based on your filters
• Like, so much more

So yeah, if you work in a sales or business development capacity, even tangentially, take ahold of our templates by the reigns are ride them into the sunset, OR if you are inclined you may rear your own documents by uploading them to your SeamlessDocs account. And if your sales bonus isn’t higher than last year’s, we will make up the difference…in hugs.

Good morning to you startuplets and general publicans! Today we bring you a fine new game that has you scratching your head.ly trying to determine the right answerfly. It’s the startup bullshit tagline game!!! Try and guess weather the taglines below are real or fake, and the amount of answers you get right will correspond to your personal valuation. Let us begin!:

1. Yelp for enterprise

2. Spotify for your favorite places

3. Uber for snow plows

4. Diapers for your mobile

5. Instagram for sex

6. Beautiful, stress-free real-time relational search within a large vertical

7. Fresh Direct for hard drugs

8. Disruptive data analytics for emerging markets

9. Technology = “fully sustainable seafood supply chain for the world”

10. Turning hip hop artists into the new Jane Fondas!

11. Electric super scooter fleets that talk to the cloud

12. Education app for your fetus

Answers:

1. Bullshit!

2. Real!

3. Real!

4. Bullshit!

5. Bullshit!

6. Real!

7. Bullshit!

8. Bullshit!

9. Real!

10. Real!

11. Real!

12. Bullshit!

So, naturally, this got what is left of the old neurons firing again. I asked myself questions like “Is SeamlessDocs providing enough forms and documents for the economically disadvantaged?” “Why doesn’t the Veterans Administration have a SeamlessDocs account?” “Would it be very offensive if I were to translate one of our documents into a dialect more in line with the streets?”

The answers flowed like venture capital dollars into taxi hailing startups. They were, respectively, a resounding no, a maybe I should drop another keyword so they can find it and sign up (online cloud paperwork processing for large governmental administrations!), and an almost certainly, but blogging is a risky business, and the formless underclass certainly won’t be served well by me sitting around and not taking risks potentially offending anybody.

Thus was enlightened breath breathed into The Paper Jam, and further thus today we introduce you to our new series StreetWiseDocs, where I take one of our storied templates, run it through a translator, and let the underclass rise up on a cloud of documents so they can help us to even more effectively hail a taxi. We hope you are amuved.

1. Action by Unanimous Board Consent Form

Action By Unanimous Written Consent

of the Board of Directors

In accordance with Sections 108(c) and 141(f) of the Delaware General Corporation Law and the Bylaws of , a Delaware corporation (the “Company”), the undersigned, constituting all of the members of the Company’s Board of Directors (the “Board”), hereby adopt the following resolutions effective as of the last date of execution set forth below:

1 Authorization of Amended and Restated Certificate of Incorporation:

WHEREAS, the Board deems it advisable, and in the best interests of the Company, to amend and restate the Certificate of Incorporation of the Company in its entirety in connection with a Series AA Preferred Stock financing.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED: That the Company amend and restate its Certificate of Incorporation to (i) increase the authorized number of shares of Common Stock from  shares to shares, (ii) create a new class of stock, designated Preferred Stock, consisting of  shares, which are all to be designated Series AA Preferred Stock, (iiii) establish the rights, preferences, privileges and restrictions of the Common Stock and the Series AA Preferred Stock and (iv) make certain other changes.

RESOLVED FURTHER:  That the Company’s Amended and Restated Certificate of Incorporation, in the form attached hereto as Exhibit A (the “Restated Certificate”), is hereby approved, adopted and confirmed.

RESOLVED FURTHER: That the proper officers of the Company are, and each hereby is, authorized and directed (i) to seek stockholder approval of the Restated Certificate, and once the requisite stockholder approval has been obtained, (ii) to execute, verify and file with the Delaware Secretary of State such Restated Certificate.

RESOLVED FURTHER: That the proper officers of the Company are, and each hereby is, authorized and empowered to take such other actions and sign such other documents as may be necessary or advisable to carry out the purposes of the foregoing resolutions.

2. Street Level 1: Action by Unanimous Board Consent Form

Action By Unanimous Written Consent o’ da Board o’ Directors In accordance wif Sections 108(c) an’ 141(f) o’ da Delaware General Corporation Law an’ da Bylaws o’ , uh Delaware corporation (da “Company”), da undersigned, constituting all o’ da members o’ da Company’s Board o’ Directors (da “Board”), hereby adopt da following resolutions effective as o’ da last date o’ execution set forf below:

1 Authorization o’ Amended an’ Restated Certificate o’ Incorporation:

WHEREAS, da Board deems it advisable, an’ in da bomb interests o’ da Company, ta amend an’ restate da Certificate o’ Incorporation o’ da Company in its entirety in connection wif uh Series AA Preferred Stock financing.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED: dat da Company amend an’ restate its Certificate o’ Incorporation ta (ah) increase da authorized number o’ shares o’ Common Stock from shares ta shares, (ii) create uh new class o’ stock, designated Preferred Stock, consisting o’ shares, which is all ta be designated Series AA Preferred Stock, (iiii) establish da rights, preferences, privileges an’ restrictions o’ da Common Stock an’ da Series AA Preferred Stock an’ (iv) make certain other changes.

RESOLVED FURTHER: dat da Company’s Amended an’ Restated Certificate o’ Incorporation, in da form attached hereto as Exhibit uh (da “Restated Certificate”), iz hereby approved, adopted an’ confirmed.

RESOLVED FURTHER: dat da proper officers o’ da Company is, an’ each hereby iz, authorized an’ directed (ah) ta seek stockholder approval o’ da Restated Certificate, an’ once da requisite stockholder approval has been obtained, (ii) ta execute, verify an’ file wif da Delaware Secretary o’ State such Restated Certificate.

RESOLVED FURTHER: dat da proper officers o’ da Company is, an’ each hereby iz, authorized an’ empowered ta take such other actions an’ sign such other documents as may be necessary or advisable ta carry out da purposes o’ da foregoing resolutions.

_______________________________________________________________

3. Street Level 2: AcShun BI UNaNiMous WrittEnnnn CoNSeNt Form

AcShun BI UNaNiMous WrittEnnnn CoNSeNt

off Daaaaaaa Boardd O’ DIrEctors

in AccoRdaNce wif $ECshuns 108(c) An’ 141(f) O’ DAA deLawarEE General coRPorasHunnn law An””” Daaa BYlAwS O’ , uh DeLaWaRe CORpOrAsHUn (the “compAny”), Daa UndeRsignED, constITUtIn Al O’ DA MembUhS O” dAA COmpanY’s BOardd O’ DireCtOws (thEE “boArd”), HeREbaYyy adOpt da FolloWIn rEsolushUNs EFfectivvvv aas O” DA LaSTTT D8 O’ ExecUshUN $ett FortHHH beloW:

1 AuthOrIzAshun O’ aMEnded An” REsTatEd CerTiFIc888 O’ IncorpORATIon:

whereas,,, Da BoarD DeemS it AdvIsaBle,, aN’ Yn DAAAAA bEST INterests O”” DA cOmPanayy,,,,, tA AmeNd An’ Rest8 Da CErtIFic8 O”” IncORporAshunn O” Da COmpanayy YN Iz ENTiretee Ynn COnNecshuN Wif UHHHH $ereeS AA PrEfeRreDD $toCKK FInancinG.

nO,,, THErefOrE, B IT REsolVeD::: dat Da CoMpanayy AMenD an’ ResT8 IZ CeRtIfic888 O”’ incOrPoRashuNN Taaa (i) InCrease dAA AUthorizedd nuMBr O’ $hareS O’ COMMon $tocK frmm $Hares Ta $hares, (ii) cRE88 Uh Nu cla$$$$ O’ $tOck, desiGnaTed PReferreddd $tock,,,, CoNSIstinnn O’ $hArEs, WIch iz All Ta B DesIGnATEddddd $Erees Aa PRefeRReD $tOck, (iiii) EsTABlisHH Da righTs, Preferences,,, PriVilegEs an’ restRiCSHUNs O’ da coMMon $tocKKK An” da $ereEs Aaa pReferREd $tocK An”’ (iv) Mak certain Otuh chAnGes.

ResolVed FuRThuh: Dat Daaa COMpany’sss AmendEdd an’ RestaTed CERtifIC8 O” IncorPoRaShUn, Ynnn Da FoRm attacHed HEReTo aaS ExhiBitttt uhhh (thEEE “ReStATeDD CertificaTe”),, Iz herebaYyy Approved, AdOPTed AN” CoNfirmed.

resolVEdd FuRthuh: DATT da PRopuHH OffIcuhSS o’ Da CoMPanAyy Iz,, An” EaCH HeReBayyy iz, Authorizedd An’ dirEcTed (I) Ta $eek $tockholdUhh APproval O” Daa RestateD CErtiFIc8,, AN’ OncE da requIsite $toCkHolduh ApProvall hass BeEnn OBTaiNeD, (Ii) Ta EXeCUte,,,, verifayYY an’ filE WiFF da deLawaRe $EcretAree O’ $t8 $uch ReStAted CertifICate.

ReSolVed FuRthuh:: Dat Daaa pRopuh Officuhs o’ Daa Companayy Iz, an’ Each HERebAyyy Iz, AUthorizEd An” EMpowERed Taaa Taykk $uChh Otuh ACsHUnssss An” $ignn $UcH OTUh DOcuMeNts Aas maAyy BB NecessAree orr AdVISaBlEE Taa carreeee OuTIIII DAA PurpoSesssss O’ da FOrEgoiN resoLuTioNS.

1. Customer Satisfaction Survey

2. Emergency Contact Form

3. Employee Information Form

4. Event Feedback Survey

5. Event Registration 

6. New Client Intake Form

7. Credit Card Payment Authorization Form

8. W9 Tax Form

9. Contact Form

10. Employment Agreement

Not all of these may apply to your business’s needs at the moment, but picking even a few from this list to help with employee onboarding, client acquisition, feedback collection or event planning will bring nothing but good fortune and possibly even just a plain fortune to you.

Around here at SeamlessDocs we don’t like to brag, but yes, it’s true, we have an Investor Update Form. Investors take on lots of risk and pump cash into our companies, and in return ask for an update once in a while. And a fat return. But oh do they love a timely, tidy update. And this form will give it to them:

The Investor Update Report comes complete with sections for a general overview, advice getting, and plans going forward for the next few months. The form both allows you to keep track of the history of your communications with investors and for investors to have something more concrete and official than email or lesser forms of communication (NPI).

Drug testing is a touchy, controversial, emotional subject, and like all other touchy controversial and emotional subjects on this blog, will be treated with blithe irreverence in its own blog post. Before we get started, however, I am obligated to mention, for search engine optimization purposes, that we have a form you can use for all your administrative drug testing needs, and it is here. So roll that up and smoke it. Just not before a test. Or at all really, because our main thing here is to never have to print forms out again. I suppose you could overheat your computer and inhale the fumes…..but now we are really off track, so let’s get back to the subject at hand: drugs!

Brandy: last century’s protein

This is Thomas Hicks, who, in 1904, won the Olympic marathon. Looks pretty exhausted doesn’t he? Surprising, since during the race he was injected with strychnine and given a “large glass brimming with brandy.” These were the carefree nostalgic days of doping (/race drinking?), when official committees could conclude, literally, that “The marathon has shown from a medical point of view how drugs can be very useful to athletes in long-distance races.” Very useful? He had like a 3 hour marathon time. And had he been given any more strychnine, it is likely he would have died. But had he just been given a form for testing how dangerously screwed up his system was, he would have been in much better shape.

Anabolic Steroids: this century’s…protein

Next up is the classic steroid. Millennials often aren’t aware of this fact, but in the 70s and 80s steroid use reached ridonkulous levels of usage, with 61% of athletes in the 1984 Olympics admitting to recent steroid use (those being just the ones admitting). In sports where one had an advantage by getting swoll beyond recognition, it was so bad that ”A medical research team in the United States attempted to set up extensive research into the effects of steroids on weightlifters and throwers, only to discover that there were so few who weren’t taking them that they couldn’t establish any worthwhile comparisons.” AGAIN, where were the necessary forms and documents to dissuade these athletes from these drugs?

Chocolate Milk: next century’s steroids

Can’t you just see it now? Headlines exploding forth from fitness publications and blogs–”Post-workout chocolate milk benefits exaggerated,” “Long-term results of chocolate milking may be harmful,” “Athletes who regularly chocolate milked experience higher rates of accelerated genital aging.” Chocolate milking may not be the same as marathon brandy or steroids all day erry day, but it just seems all too…easy–a beloved unhealthy childhood staple turned magical fatigue remedy for adults. We might not ever get to the point when we need a drug test form (check!) to give to competitive athletes (check that term too), but we would do well to remember that everything in fitness is a fad, and everything else is at some point always healthy and unhealthy for you, depending on what century you live in.

Filling out or collecting information from credit card authorization forms is perhaps not one of the more enthralling form/document filing activities one can perform. That is why today, building on our previous success putting together a form playlist, we bring you the masterfully curated Credit Card Authorization Form Playlist (works with recurring or one-time payments). Let us begin!

1. “Credit Card Baby” by Wham!

2. “Credit Card Fraud” by Mathias Carlsson

3. “Authorization” by Critical and Conrad Funk

4. “Payment Time” by Chain Gang

5. All the songs on “Credit Cards and Overdrafts” by Jake and the Jellyfish

What we have here is a well respected Bollywood star, who, to every young Indian man’s chagrin, is a formophile (she is attracted to and will doggedly seduce susceptible forms). Her victim today? The emergency contact form.

When she sees a supple, nubile, salaciously yet-unfilled emergency contact form, she goes crazy for it:

Like, it’s bad:

When she gets the form alone, this incurable formophile goes to absolute town:

But, eventually, she gets to the part where the form asks her is she has an emergency contact to put on it. You know, because it wouldn’t really be very safe to go forward from this point without one. Fortunately, our sick form-fondler has brought just that:

Unfortunately, her emergency contact didn’t work (her mother had disowned her years before when she found a stack of crumpled forms in her daughter’s sheets). So, unloved by her family and nearing the end of her prime Bollywood years, she now has this little freakish form-human offspring to her charge:

(the contact form was half Japanese)

I guess next time she’ll learn to get a trustworthy emergency contact! Or just stop fiddling forms. Or that.

The Form: Performance Review

The Scenario: When it comes performance review time at the Offices of the International Polo League, human resources starts stressing. This is namely because the offices are staffed in the lower ranks by the just-undertalented-enough-to-not-make-it-into-the-league bourgeois youth, whose dreams of equine days filled with sun shine/dresses were superseded by a life in the office, a reality which alternatingly inflames and dejects their egos. Therefore performance reviews are held monthly, in an attempt to bring the egos of the office-ridden, once-promising mediocre polo bourgeoise back down off their high horses to earth.

The Solution: The amount of paperwork involved in conducting 12 performance reviews a year was like unfairly huge. Plus there was the issue of actually deciphering what was written on them by the bourgeois youths, who grew up maybe writing a few hundred sentences by hand their entire lives, and the rest on computer. In their moment of direst stress, HR came upon the human resources category of SeamlessDocs templates, and in one momentous click their administrative troubles vanished, and were replaced with a crazy easy system of online forms and record keeping.

To Conclude: With Offices of the International Polo League’s new SeamlessDocs account, they were able to consistently keep on top of performance reviews for their employees, never needing to skip a month because the paperwork from the previous month was too overwhelming. Now, instead, the bourgeois youths could be monthily overwhelmed, their egos both checked by the scathing comments on their reports and humbled by the elegance of the system that delivered them their reports.